What the fuck is wrong with people...

So I got an email that Lori's memorial site was updated. I went to check it and someone posted the song from the game Hungry Hungry Hippos. Fucking really? People have to stoop to that level? Making fun of someone that's passed on because they were big. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do they think that that's ok? Don't they realize that when they make fun of someone that's passed it only hurts those that are left.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to be assholes sometimes. It makes me sad to be a part of the human race, when there are such low lives out there.

If by some miracle, the person that wrote that, or anyone else who has had negative comments about someone that's deceased happens to read this, PLEASE email me. I'll be glad to meet you at a location of your choosing so I can BEAT THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU! That is what you deserve, and nothing better. Fucking losers.

I love you babygirl and always will.

An oldie, but goodie

The following is a post I made 6 years ago. Still makes sense today.

"We must learn to call a truce with ourselves in our war against fat." How awesome is that sentence?

I heard it this afternoon while flipping channels. I came across a show on Discovery Times called Understanding Obesity. I heard that sentence and stopped what I was doing. For me, it made perfect sense. We all know that society says that in order to be considered attractive, you should be thin. WRONG!! Everyone is different. There are plenty of thin women that wouldn't look right as larger sized women. There are also plenty of larger sized women that just wouldn't look right thin. Everyone's bodies are different. Some were meant to be larger than others. DIVERSITY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE!!

It's what makes the world go 'round. I've maintained my weight of 260 for many years now. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be. I still remain fairly active (I've always been more of a bookworm) and can do things without getting winded too easily. Maybe this is the weight that my body has decided is right for me. Maybe the woman that is 5'11" and weighs a SEXY 420lbs IS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SIZE!! For whatever reason, genetics have determined that that is the best size for her. So long ofcourse as she feels healthy. THAT IS THE KEY!! YOU MUST FEEL HEALTHY IN YOUR OWN BODY!! When you feel as if you can't do things anymore because of your size, then lose weight. If you can't walk to the kitchen without getting winded, then lose weight!! BUT, that doesn't mean that you have to go down to a size 6!! Lose weight until you feel healthy again. No where does it state that in order to be HEALTHY, you have to be a twig. Healthy for me is going to be different than healthy for you.

Ladies, you must also understand something. Being considered attractive doesn't always have anything to do with a persons size. For me, and a lot of my friends, it's about the attitude. If you carry yourself in a certain manner, you will get noticed! There is nothing sexier than a large woman who knows she's hot. Her confidence totally wins me over. Men and women alike have to realize when enough is enough. If diets aren't working for you, then maybe it's because your body is happy where it's at. You just have to get accustomed to that. That is the hardest part. Being able to say to yourself, as well as others, I'M HAPPY THE WAY I AM!!

Really???

And we're suddenly back in Seattle with all the rain and gloom. STOP THINKING ABOUT TWILIGHT PEOPLE!!!! At least that's what it feels like. LOL

On another note, I'm laying in bed watching Tom & Jerry. I feel like I should have a bowl of Frosted Flakes (They're GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAATTTTTTTTT!!) and it should be a Saturday morning. Very nostalgic. Which then in turns leads me to remember how old I am.

But, I'm not old. I'm not even really middle aged when you think about it. Yeah, I might be close, but I'm not there yet damn it! Besides, they say that age is nothing but a number, and it's really all how you feel. Fact of the matter is that I don't feel old. Sure there are some things that I stop and say, really you old man?? But for the most part, I don't think I act that old. I mean, you had to see me at my mom's house on Sunday. I was a freaking clown!! I just love making people laugh. Life's too short not to.

Laughter is really the fountain of youth kids. Could you imagine what our world would be like if people laughed more? Think about it.

Glad

Got some good news today. A friendship that I thought I ruined was "restored", if you will, today. I'm happy about that since this was someone that for 4 years I've been a part of their life. I'm glad to be back involved, and look forward to being there for you.

Alcohol...

I don't understand why people drink. Nothing good really ever comes of it. Well, at least not for me. You're not in control of your emotions at all. One minute you're laughing at something that isn't even remotely funny, the next you're a hysterical mess for whatever reason. I really don't see the attraction at all. There was a reason I went 8 or so years between major drinking binges. Won't be doing that again for a long time.

There are other, more natural, means to de-stress and I intend on using those from now on. The drink just isn't for me.

The sun will come out...

TODAY!!! Bout freaking time. I mean sure it came out for like a minute yesterday, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Course, this weekend is the only time that the sun will be making an appearance this week. Bastards!

Even a little bit of sun does help to improve my mood. And, I'm done thinking. LOL Decided to just stop that part of my brain from working. Alright, that's impossible, but I can control what I think about. And, really I think I need to get a better grasp of my moods. Food for thought.

Today, is a trek into NY. This is the last weekend that my brother will be home before he gets to spend two months in Hawaii playing baseball. Mmmhmm, you read that right. The lil bastard gets to play ball in paradise for two months. Let's hope something good for his career happens. Keep your fingers crossed.

I say trek, because that's what it is. The drive itself isn't horrible (about an hour and a half), but there's ALWAYS traffic. And that just sucks. There's traffic going, traffic coming home fucking traffic everywhere! But, I don't go into NY often, so it's not really that bad. Just bitch about the traffic when we do have to go.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoyed themselves. Life's too short kids always remember that. Have fun and enjoy the ride that life has to offer.

Back to Poly...

So, again, the main reason for this blog was because I wanted to do my part to help people understand what being polyamorous is all about. So, basically this was a place where I could write events and things that go on in my poly lifestyle. Well, kids here's a story.

I fell in love with someone who's Monogamous. *GASP* I know, I know. What were you thinking Dan?? Well, obviously I wasn't thinking. But, the thing of it is, you really can't help who you fall in love with. No, seriously. I tried, you just can't stop loving who you love.

Now, there are things that you can do to try and prevent making this situation any worse on yourself. Like, talk to them only about strictly platonic things. Or, make it plainly known that it's just a friendship. Of course, if you're me even those things make it hard once my Love button has been pushed. I was told once that when I love, I love completely. Guess once I love you, I love you.

Anywhoo, we had a friendship for a long time. I met her right around the time the Lori passed away so it's been about 4 years. I remember the first time I saw her pics online. I was wowed and so we started talking. And, really that's all it was. We talked online, we spoke on the phone occasionally. She knew that I was married and that we'd had girlfriends in the past. So she was aware that I was poly. She made it plainly clear that she wasn't, that she couldn't share, and that our lifestyle wasn't for her. She respected it, but knew that she couldn't do it. And so we talked, and talked, and just talked. That's all we were. Friends.

Well, for her at least. See, like I said. When my Love button is pushed it usually stays on for the rest of my life. (There have been some cases where that button has shut itself off) So we would talk, and all the while I would have these feelings for her. I told her that I thought she was amazing and all that stuff, but I guess I never opened up to her. Until last week. (Insert suspenseful music here)

It started through a series of events that were unusual to me. I will not go into details here as that's between her and I. But I will say that it was like I was talking to a different person. Things were said that hadn't been said ever before. One in particular sticks with me. I got a text which said, "get out of my head." I responded promptly with a "huh??" Then the phone rang and it was her saying that she was thinking of me. It was that one event more than anything else that day that floored me. Like, literally laid me out on the floor!

Anywhoo, later that day, it all changed. SNAP! Just like that, what I thought was a good day went to something else. I mean immediately. I knew it that same day. It slowly slid downhill until it got to the point where we're no longer speaking. (Yes, that's what those last few posts were all about) I'm saddened by that, but you can read all about that in the previous post.

I want to make it clear that I am the reason that we aren't speaking anymore. I pushed for something that wasn't there. I overdid it, although I wish she'd have told me to slow down before. But I'm not going to lie either. I was confused. I really was just confused about things. But, there should have been no confusion on my part since she said from go that it could only ever be friends. That is a great example of live and learn. I wish I'd have learned that lesson on someone else so I didn't have to lose a friend, but that wasn't to be the case.