Lost...

I lost a good friend a couple of days ago through my own mistakes. I realized what I did wrong, and tried to apologize for it, but to no avail. I'm in no way upset that my friend has made this decision, as it was warranted. I pushed too hard, tried for things that I had no business trying for, and as they said, made something out of nothing. Damn this overactive brain of mine.

It's never intentional when you lose a friend, but after it's done you always stop and say. Damn it, why were you such an asshole! Why didn't you just do what you knew you needed to do. I tried, and I couldn't that's why. No other way to put it than my heart took over. Need to work on that.

I'm saddened that I no longer have this person in my life in any fashion. What upsets me most of all is that I feel like I let that person down. I told them that I would always be there for them, and through my own actions I've nullified that. I'm now, no better than the other people they've had to deal with that have hurt them in the past. I'm so very very sorry about that. You have no idea how upset I am at myself for letting that happen.

I wish you the very best in everything that you do. May you be successful in your career. May you find your soul mate and be loved. May you do many wonderful things in your life. Most of all, may you finally be happy. I truly want nothing more than your happiness. I hope that you find it.