Why is being Poly wrong??

I wish more people understood what polyamory was all about. They make all kinds of assumptions, or just don't know the inner workings of a polyamorous relationship. I guess that was the point of this blog, and I got away from that.

So many people think that being poly is just a "legal" way to cheat on your spouse. I can't tell you how many people thought that about my wife and I. They thought she was the poor fat girl that was settling for a guy. I even found a conversation where someone told me I was pathetic because I tricked her into letting me be with other women. Those people couldn't be more wrong.

See, my wife was the one that initiated this lifestyle. She was bi-curious and wanted to see me with other women. I NEVER brought it up before then. At least not in any serious conversations. What man hasn't said, MAN I'D LOVE TO HAVE A 3SOME!! Anywhoo, that's how we kinda fell into things.

It started with the sexual aspect, I won't lie about that. We brought women into the bedroom to spice things up. Then one day, we were watching a special on HBO on Polyamory. This was YEARS ago. It was about a MFM triad. They all lived together, slept in the same bed and were one big family. I remember her saying how cool that seemed. I was floored, but never went any further with it. I was content with how things were. DUH!!

That was it for a long time. Then I met two women who would change my outlook. I remember when I first realized that I was in love with someone else. I was scared out of my head. I didn't love my wife any less, but I'd also never had feelings like that for anyone else. I didn't know what to do. I did the wrong thing and that was to keep my feelings to myself. Or at least I thought. (I don't give nearly enough credit to my wife.) Anyway, I was freaked out because I met someone else that blew my mind, made my heart swell and all those other things that go along with falling in love.

My wife and I had talked here and there about that HBO special and what we'd do if we ever found someone that we wanted to share our life with. At that time we really didn't know what polyamory meant, but we were open to the idea. That's one thing we've always been very good about. Being open minded and willing to try things that we both were ok with. (No, I don't just mean that about the bedroom!! Although that's one area that benefited...lol) So after we met A, we started talking about the what ifs a little more. What if A was single? Would we bring her in? Would we share our life with her? Lots of hypothetical conversations. But as I said, she was married and things weren't meant to be at that particular time.

Then came Lori. I'd chatted with her in the past and she knew all about our lifestyle. We started talking again, and she told me that she was intrigued by our lifestyle. It was something that she'd given thought to and was definitely interested. The wife and I went to meet her and low and behold we all clicked. Before you knew it, Lori was on her way back to NJ with the wife and I. She was supposed to stay for a couple of weeks to see if things were going to work out. She never went back. :) She lived with us until she passed away. She taught my wife and I so much about ourselves, our love for each other, and that we were definitely cut out for the polyamorous lifestyle.

See, we're conditioned to think that there is only one person that can truly be our soulmate. I beg to differ. I'm not trying to impose polyamory on everyone out there. It's not for everyone. For some people there is only one person that is for them. That's great! Variety is the spice of life. Do what works best for you and your family. But, don't look down on me when I do the same thing. That's all I ask.

Some people are wired differently. I like big girls. I also find it possible to love more than one person. Our lifestyle is really no different than a traditional relationship. We all love each other. We all care about each other. We share the finances. The only difference is that there are 3 of us instead of just 2. Is that so bad? Is it so scary to think that 3 adults are capable of loving each other equally? I don't think so.