I hate that you feel this way. I hate that there's nothing that I can do to make you smile or take the pain away. I hate that someone else can make your beautiful smile go away. If they only knew that they were doing.
I never want you to stop talking to me about your problems. I said it before and I'll say it again. I'll be here for as long as you'll let me be. I just hate when you hurt. You deserve to be happy and to be treated like a Queen. It'll happen.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Ahhhh...
This is what Monday's should be. A continuation of the weekend. Almost. The wife had a nice break this morning so she was home from about 9am until 2, and the gf called in sick to work. (Rough weekend...lol) It's nice to have everyone home.
I'm sure there are people out there that think we spend entirely too much time together. Hell, we've had those very same conversations. Wondering if we were nutty because unlike a lot of other couples that we know we don't really do anything apart. Except for work. (And if everything works out, then even that will change down the road...lol)
When we go someplace, it's expected that the three of us will be invited. If not, we don't go. We're extremely lucky that all of our friends are cool like that and are alright with inviting the three of us. Weddings, birthday parties, graduation parties, whatever. If you invite one, you know you gotta invite three. LOL Again, we've been very fortunate that we haven't had to worry about that aspect of our lives at all.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday. (Is that even possible?)
I'm sure there are people out there that think we spend entirely too much time together. Hell, we've had those very same conversations. Wondering if we were nutty because unlike a lot of other couples that we know we don't really do anything apart. Except for work. (And if everything works out, then even that will change down the road...lol)
When we go someplace, it's expected that the three of us will be invited. If not, we don't go. We're extremely lucky that all of our friends are cool like that and are alright with inviting the three of us. Weddings, birthday parties, graduation parties, whatever. If you invite one, you know you gotta invite three. LOL Again, we've been very fortunate that we haven't had to worry about that aspect of our lives at all.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday. (Is that even possible?)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Happiness
I just want you to be happy. When I stop and think about it, that's really I want for you. Of course I would love for me to be able to be that person, but I know that will never be. That's ok. Like I said, so long as I'm a part of your life in some fashion, I'm ok. I mean that.
That's why I say I only want your happiness. If it can't be me, then I want it to be someone that can cherish you the way I can. Someone that can make you happy the way I can. Take care of you the way I can. I ultimately just want you to be happy.
I've said it for a while and I meant it. I'll always be here for you no matter what. You can always talk to me about anything you need, or want to. Call on me and I'll be here. I'll lay back in the shadows waiting for you to need me. Guess this is what Batman felt like.
When you smile I smile, when you cry I cry.
That's why I say I only want your happiness. If it can't be me, then I want it to be someone that can cherish you the way I can. Someone that can make you happy the way I can. Take care of you the way I can. I ultimately just want you to be happy.
I've said it for a while and I meant it. I'll always be here for you no matter what. You can always talk to me about anything you need, or want to. Call on me and I'll be here. I'll lay back in the shadows waiting for you to need me. Guess this is what Batman felt like.
When you smile I smile, when you cry I cry.
Friends
I bitch and moan about so many things. It's what I do. LOL But, one thing that I can't complain about is our friends. We have some of the most amazing people as friends in our lives. We're so blessed. As I get older, I realize how important those friendships are. How strong, and meaningful they can be. More so than when I was younger.
I have friends that I can go months without seeing, or even talking to, and when we pick up the phone, it's like no time whatsoever has passed. That's friendship. Friends that will give me the shirt off their backs if I asked for it. Friends that no matter what are always there for you in your time of need.
I cherish those friends so much. They are a small and select group which is why they're so valuable to me. They know who they are, and may or may not read this blog. Either way, thank you for being my friend and for letting me into your life. :)
I have friends that I can go months without seeing, or even talking to, and when we pick up the phone, it's like no time whatsoever has passed. That's friendship. Friends that will give me the shirt off their backs if I asked for it. Friends that no matter what are always there for you in your time of need.
I cherish those friends so much. They are a small and select group which is why they're so valuable to me. They know who they are, and may or may not read this blog. Either way, thank you for being my friend and for letting me into your life. :)
Friday, May 29, 2009
WOW
You ever been blown away by something that's happened? I mean to the point where you stop and question like...life?? LOL I had something like that yesterday. I won't go into details, because I don't need to, but WOW! That's really all I can say.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
New life
The day has come. The day when I sever the ties from my prior employer and start anew. This may be no big deal for most, but I'm taking a job that means a HUGE pay cut. Here's the thing. Along with that pay cut is also a cut in my stress level.
I've been out of work due to stress related anxiety. What does that mean? That means that I worked for a company that demanded too much of my time. It means that I worked for a company that had people in positions of authority who don't even know how to be human. It means that after 7 years of giving them my all, when I was out, I didn't even get a phone call just to see how I was. Fuck em.
Am I bitter? Yup, you better believe it. As I said, I worked for this company for quite a while. In those years I was moved from store to store. Not because I was a problem, but because they needed help. I was at my DM's beck and call. I can't count how many times I'd get a phone call at my home store from her asking what I was doing. Before I could give her an answer, she was asking me to go to the store she was in so I could help her. After all that, not one member of upper management called to see how I was. I received a letter from the district human resources manager that was nothing but professional. (I've worked with this person for years, and although I wouldn't consider her a great friend, I thought she was at least a friend.) All of these things combined with a few others have made it impossible for me to work at that place anymore. And that sucks because it was a good job making good money. Just wish the people were better. And I don't mean my associates. They were awesome and I will miss them.
Now, even though I'm bitter, I'm also very thankful. The last few months that I've been away from the bad place, I've been so much happier. I've been able to spend more time with my girls. I don't have to worry about working weekends, and getting out at 1am. (All the while worrying if I left the store in good enough condition) I'm slowly getting my life back. Thank you, bad place, for stressing me to my breaking point and making me realize that I can't keep going the way I was.
The toughest part of all this, is the money. You see, I've always been driven by money. Ever since I was young, I had a goal of making a certain salary by the time I turned 30. I was 8K shy of that goal. Not too bad when you think about it. But now I'm going to cut my salary pretty much in half. WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'm lucky because we have 3 incomes. Really that's the only reason why I can even take a pay cut like that. I'm slowly realizing that it's not all about the money and the material possesions. I don't need to have those things to be happy. It's slow going, but I'm getting there.
Most of all, I just want to make sure that we're not struggling because of me. The girls assure me that we're going to be OK. That we'll make figure it out and make it and we'll be fine. I also know that they won't say anything that's going to stress me out. I worry, it's what I do. I trust them, and if I see that it gets too hairy, I can always go and find a better paying job again. I just know that with that money comes the stress.
Out of all of this, I do know one thing. I'm a happier man. I think I'll be even happier when I officially cut the ties from the bad place. :-D
I've been out of work due to stress related anxiety. What does that mean? That means that I worked for a company that demanded too much of my time. It means that I worked for a company that had people in positions of authority who don't even know how to be human. It means that after 7 years of giving them my all, when I was out, I didn't even get a phone call just to see how I was. Fuck em.
Am I bitter? Yup, you better believe it. As I said, I worked for this company for quite a while. In those years I was moved from store to store. Not because I was a problem, but because they needed help. I was at my DM's beck and call. I can't count how many times I'd get a phone call at my home store from her asking what I was doing. Before I could give her an answer, she was asking me to go to the store she was in so I could help her. After all that, not one member of upper management called to see how I was. I received a letter from the district human resources manager that was nothing but professional. (I've worked with this person for years, and although I wouldn't consider her a great friend, I thought she was at least a friend.) All of these things combined with a few others have made it impossible for me to work at that place anymore. And that sucks because it was a good job making good money. Just wish the people were better. And I don't mean my associates. They were awesome and I will miss them.
Now, even though I'm bitter, I'm also very thankful. The last few months that I've been away from the bad place, I've been so much happier. I've been able to spend more time with my girls. I don't have to worry about working weekends, and getting out at 1am. (All the while worrying if I left the store in good enough condition) I'm slowly getting my life back. Thank you, bad place, for stressing me to my breaking point and making me realize that I can't keep going the way I was.
The toughest part of all this, is the money. You see, I've always been driven by money. Ever since I was young, I had a goal of making a certain salary by the time I turned 30. I was 8K shy of that goal. Not too bad when you think about it. But now I'm going to cut my salary pretty much in half. WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'm lucky because we have 3 incomes. Really that's the only reason why I can even take a pay cut like that. I'm slowly realizing that it's not all about the money and the material possesions. I don't need to have those things to be happy. It's slow going, but I'm getting there.
Most of all, I just want to make sure that we're not struggling because of me. The girls assure me that we're going to be OK. That we'll make figure it out and make it and we'll be fine. I also know that they won't say anything that's going to stress me out. I worry, it's what I do. I trust them, and if I see that it gets too hairy, I can always go and find a better paying job again. I just know that with that money comes the stress.
Out of all of this, I do know one thing. I'm a happier man. I think I'll be even happier when I officially cut the ties from the bad place. :-D
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Magenta
Interesting title for a post isn't it? Let's see if any one out there knows why I used it. So, today's another one of "those" days. I'm not sure what the issue is, but it's been going on since last night. Just been very blah. Guess it's a combination of feelings that are all tumbling around. The weather isn't helping either. Damn rain!
I don't think I'm depressed or anything, just having a blah day. Been thinking about Lori a lot lately. I know that doesn't help much, but I can't NOT think of her. I've been told that I need to find a happy medium, and there are times when I think I've found it, but it only turns out to be temporary. Talking to someone really didn't help either. Maybe I just have to realize that this is how life is going to be from now on. Maybe that's what I need. To just accept that fact that I'm always going to be a little sad because she's not here. I wonder if I keep trying to just get over it, and that's actually what's making it worse. Who knows.
I don't think I'm depressed or anything, just having a blah day. Been thinking about Lori a lot lately. I know that doesn't help much, but I can't NOT think of her. I've been told that I need to find a happy medium, and there are times when I think I've found it, but it only turns out to be temporary. Talking to someone really didn't help either. Maybe I just have to realize that this is how life is going to be from now on. Maybe that's what I need. To just accept that fact that I'm always going to be a little sad because she's not here. I wonder if I keep trying to just get over it, and that's actually what's making it worse. Who knows.
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