:)

It's amazing how small things can make a person happy. Thank you.

I like dreams... :-D

I was sitting there waiting and watching and all of a sudden there you were. You took my breath away instantly. I think I even stopped breathing in my sleep. :) We sat, talked, laughed and had a great time. I don't remember the conversation, but I remember smiling the entire time. I remember thinking, this is too good to be true. That was the dinner portion of the dream.

There was a dessert portion as well. I won't go into details as it was some pretty intense stuff. :-D Just know that I woke up smiling and with... Well, I'm sure you can figure out with what.

That's all for now.

Have you ever?

Have you ever needed to say something but you can't? Have you ever wanted to say something, but you can't? There's just no way around it, you just can't say anything.

This is something that applies to so many different situations. There are times when your family says or does something that you absolutely disagree with or even detest. Yet, you know that you have to keep your mouth shut to keep the peace in the family. No matter how much you want to tell that person, are you fucking serious? Did you really just say that? They say or do things that make you want to spit in their faces. You know that you can't do that.

How about the friend that you have that you just can't really talk to. They're great and you do care about them, but you just can't open up completely to them. You want to, they want to, but for whatever reason it just can't happen that way.

Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut. It's amazing what you learn as you get older and experience more in life. Getting older isn't so bad after all. :)

Lucky...

So talk about lucky. Yesterday while on the 'puter a friend of mine posted that he had some extra Paramour/No Doubt tickets for sale. This was the same concert that wife M was ditched for by wife D's cousin.

They're not the best seats in the house, but at least wife M gets to go see her favorite band of all time. She told me yesterday that the first CD she ever bought was a No Doubt CD. Wife D and I are both thrilled that she's getting to go and experience them in concert. We obviously love wife M tremendously and want to see that she's happy.

The other perk is that wife D and I celebrate 11 years of being together on Saturday. So, now everyone can be happy because wife D and I can have some alone time, which wife M was very adamant we get. I now there are people out there that don't understand my lifestyle, but when you see or hear things like that doesn't it make you see things a little clearer?? I mean I have two people that love and care about me and I'm blessed to share my love with two amazing women. How is that wrong?

So listen to this shit...

Man, let me tell you how fucked up my wife's family is. Let me start at the beginning. Plans were made between wife M and some of wife D's family members. Basically wife M was going to hang out with wife D's cousin for her birthday at a bar going to see a cover band that they both liked. Well, wife M was informed that her plans were cancelled because tickets were bought for the cousin's bday. The tickets were for a concert that wife M actually wanted to go to, and didn't say anything because of the plans that she already had with "family".

Now I'm in no way upset that the tickets were bought. It's a great opportunity and one that I absolutely would have taken if I had the chance. What I'm upset about is that no option was offered to wife M to see if she wanted to go. It was simply a "hey I gotta cancel plans because I got tickets to this great concert. Sorry". Yeah, that was the gist of the conversation.

Fast forward to Sunday, same family. Wife D calls her dad to wish him a happy father's day. He can't talk because he's driving. Hmmmm, can't grab the phone for a sec and talk to your daughter? Your only daughter? Wait, it gets better. The new wife informs wife D that they were on their way to dinner with my brother in law and his wife. We knew nothing of this dinner. So that means that neither father nor son thought about my wife and including her in the father's day dinner. Wow!

Is it any wonder that I really don't like most anyone in my wife's family? I mean, this isn't the first time that they've done stupid shit like this. I've held my tongue for 11 years and will continue to do so as that's what is being asked of me. Glad I have this as an outlet.

I just don't understand how they can think that those actions were ok. I mean we're not angels either I know that. There are a lot of times when we enjoy spending time with just the three of us. Maybe these people have been told no so many times that they've just given up asking. Who knows, but I do know that I'm done. I have asked wife M to not make plans with that part of the family anymore, and I've told wife D, that even though it's her brother and father, she needs to be done with them. They treat her like shit and don't take her feelings into consideration.

That's that!

It is done...

The deed is done. I can't believe it. I knew it was coming and I know that it's now done, but I still can't believe that I no longer work for Bed Bath and Beyond. What a feeling.

I started with that company when I was 21 years old. I came from being a manager with Old Navy. I started young and moved up quick. I worked like a fucking beast and sacrificed a lot of time with loved ones for that place. I'm not going to say that I was the best employee there, but I think I was pretty good. I mean they trusted me with keys to one of the biggest stores in the district as well as the training and mentoring of new managers that were hired into the company. I like to think that says a little something about me as an employee for the company.

Then came the DM. She was an animal. She had a work ethic unlike anything I'd ever seen before. The woman came to work on the same day that her husband had a stroke. She left him at the hospital because in her words, there was nothing I could do for him there and I have a store to run. WOW! Yeah, that's how serious she was at work. She was a woman that in three years time was a District Manager in a multi billion dollar company. And she was in the NYC region which meant higher volume stores so a lot more stress and work. Yeah, I was and still am impressed with her.

She went through 4 husbands. That's right, 4. She worked ALL the time, and demanded that her people did the same. She wouldn't care if you put in 18 hours in a store. If there was something that was wrong, you were still a fuck up. And all that other work that you just did meant nothing. I've seen her tear people apart on a sales floor with customers around as if it were nothing. And when I say tear, I mean call them names and belittle them. People, men and women alike, have walked away from her crying their eyes out because of things she's said. I know because I'm one of them.

She was the reason I had to leave my well paying job. A job that for a long time I actually enjoyed. I used to like going to work. Even for her. She just steadily got worse. This last year working for her was absolutely miserable. There wasn't a person in any of her stores that liked her. They just put up with her because what other choice did they have? They weren't going to be able to find a job anywhere. So really she had people by the balls. She knew it, they knew it, and worse, the company knew it so they didn't do anything about her. Why should they?

Why? Because there was complaint after complaint about the woman. This was a woman that while on a district conference call with her stores present, said that we were all replaceable and she would fire us all if she needed to to get the results she needed. Yeah, that was great motivation and incentive for wanting to go to work huh? This woman was not liked. I'm sure you can get the idea of why though.

Well, one day I snapped. Literally snapped. I started panicking like never before about having to go to work. It started when I got in the shower. I was closing that night so it was like noonish. I was thinking about all of the things that I needed to get done from the DM's walk the previous day. On top of that, the DM and the RM were going to be in the building the following day. The day after my close. Now, we were supposed to recover the building in the morning and do freight at night, but my DM has made it plainly clear that her home store (the store I worked in) was different and needed to do a heavy recovery at night so in the morning it was just small touch up work that needed to be done. So basically, I needed to do all of the moves that she wanted done, do freight, and recover the building. Oh, yeah and I had to be back at work on Wednesday at 8am.

All of a sudden, my chest tightens up and I start bawling my eyes out. I can't even control it. In my head I'm saying, what the hell is wrong with you man? Physically, I'm a mess. I get out of the shower and get a hold of myself. I head downstairs to get clothes and get dressed for work and it happens again. Only this time, it doesn't go away. I get on the phone with the wife and instantly she hears there's something wrong with me and is like you're not going to work tonight and that's that. Quite literally put her foot down and said enough is enough. You're not going to work and we'll figure the rest out as it goes. That was the last day I literally worked for them. That was 3mos ago.

Yesterday I handed in my letter of resignation, my keys, and any name tags that I had in the house. I won't lie. It was more stressful than I wanted it to be, but I think I did well. I lucked out in that the SM was off and I just happened to miss the DM as she was leaving to go to another store. So I turned my resignation in to the MOD who happened to be a very very good friend. I said my goodbyes to those that were in the store and walked out.

I can't put into words the feelings. I know it's going to be tough. I have to find something to do. Staying home isn't an option and I know that. But, I don't think I can adequately put into words how I feel thinking that I'm no longer tied to that place. I no longer have to be scared when I see a store, hear the phone ring and wonder if it's them calling. Let it be them. I don't work for you anymore, therefore I can say what I want when I want. That's not a good thing, not at all. Thanks for the good times, and fuck you for all the rest. PEACE!!

Why is being Poly wrong??

I wish more people understood what polyamory was all about. They make all kinds of assumptions, or just don't know the inner workings of a polyamorous relationship. I guess that was the point of this blog, and I got away from that.

So many people think that being poly is just a "legal" way to cheat on your spouse. I can't tell you how many people thought that about my wife and I. They thought she was the poor fat girl that was settling for a guy. I even found a conversation where someone told me I was pathetic because I tricked her into letting me be with other women. Those people couldn't be more wrong.

See, my wife was the one that initiated this lifestyle. She was bi-curious and wanted to see me with other women. I NEVER brought it up before then. At least not in any serious conversations. What man hasn't said, MAN I'D LOVE TO HAVE A 3SOME!! Anywhoo, that's how we kinda fell into things.

It started with the sexual aspect, I won't lie about that. We brought women into the bedroom to spice things up. Then one day, we were watching a special on HBO on Polyamory. This was YEARS ago. It was about a MFM triad. They all lived together, slept in the same bed and were one big family. I remember her saying how cool that seemed. I was floored, but never went any further with it. I was content with how things were. DUH!!

That was it for a long time. Then I met two women who would change my outlook. I remember when I first realized that I was in love with someone else. I was scared out of my head. I didn't love my wife any less, but I'd also never had feelings like that for anyone else. I didn't know what to do. I did the wrong thing and that was to keep my feelings to myself. Or at least I thought. (I don't give nearly enough credit to my wife.) Anyway, I was freaked out because I met someone else that blew my mind, made my heart swell and all those other things that go along with falling in love.

My wife and I had talked here and there about that HBO special and what we'd do if we ever found someone that we wanted to share our life with. At that time we really didn't know what polyamory meant, but we were open to the idea. That's one thing we've always been very good about. Being open minded and willing to try things that we both were ok with. (No, I don't just mean that about the bedroom!! Although that's one area that benefited...lol) So after we met A, we started talking about the what ifs a little more. What if A was single? Would we bring her in? Would we share our life with her? Lots of hypothetical conversations. But as I said, she was married and things weren't meant to be at that particular time.

Then came Lori. I'd chatted with her in the past and she knew all about our lifestyle. We started talking again, and she told me that she was intrigued by our lifestyle. It was something that she'd given thought to and was definitely interested. The wife and I went to meet her and low and behold we all clicked. Before you knew it, Lori was on her way back to NJ with the wife and I. She was supposed to stay for a couple of weeks to see if things were going to work out. She never went back. :) She lived with us until she passed away. She taught my wife and I so much about ourselves, our love for each other, and that we were definitely cut out for the polyamorous lifestyle.

See, we're conditioned to think that there is only one person that can truly be our soulmate. I beg to differ. I'm not trying to impose polyamory on everyone out there. It's not for everyone. For some people there is only one person that is for them. That's great! Variety is the spice of life. Do what works best for you and your family. But, don't look down on me when I do the same thing. That's all I ask.

Some people are wired differently. I like big girls. I also find it possible to love more than one person. Our lifestyle is really no different than a traditional relationship. We all love each other. We all care about each other. We share the finances. The only difference is that there are 3 of us instead of just 2. Is that so bad? Is it so scary to think that 3 adults are capable of loving each other equally? I don't think so.