My wife

My wife is a rock. Plain and simple. Yesterday her dad got remarried after only threes years being a widower. Not a big deal for most people, but my wife was extremely close to her mother. I was under the impression that she was upset that her dad was "replacing" her mother. I tried to reassure her that wasn't the case at all. Her mother would never and could never be replace. If you ever knew Jayne, you'd agree with me. :)

As it turns out, my wife wasn't upset that her dad was getting remarried. It was instead that his wedding reminded her of the fact that her mother was no longer here. That's what upset her. Her family doesn't see that, but that's for another post. She held up wonderfully, and we're so proud of her.

I knew there was a reason I married her. :)

Oh boy!!

So get this. I was on one of the pages that I visit and saw that our potential 4th (her name will be Button for the purpose of this blog) left a comment on some guys video. Do you know that the first thing I thought was, what the hell is this. Then I sat up and blinked and realized that our Button, wasn't indeed ours yet. Who the hell am I getting even remotely bothered that she was leaving a message on some other guys vid.

That's when it hit me. I like her. A lot. Dan, it's only been a couple of weeks since you've met her. Yup, you're right. But it was like that with the wife and gf. There's no jealousy now as that would just not work in our relationship. But at the start, yeah there were twinges here and there.

I talked to the gf about it this morning and she agreed. It seems to be the real deal with Button. We all really like her and want to see where things go with her. I just had to blog about my almost jealousy. It's funny the things that make you realize how you feel. :)

Just don't get it...

I just don't get why people bash things that they don't understand or know anything about. I belong to a few different forums and things like that, and I've posted about my lifestyle on them. For the most part people will either be cool with it, or they'll say not my bag, but so long as you're all happy and it's working then go for it. Except for a handful. That is what this post is about.

There have been a few people that simply state that there's no way this will work. No way can three people have a happy and healthy relationship. Also, the only reason I'm in the lifestyle is so that I can "have my cake and eat it too". Really people? Do you have any facts or are you just basing it on your personal opinion?

My wife and I didn't start our relationship with intentions on being Poly or even bringing anyone else in for the occasional romp around the bedroom. It started the same way your traditional relationship started. Two people getting to know each other and realizing that they had lots in common and enjoyed being together. That's right, we were a "normal" couple just like you and your friends. What went wrong Dan??

NOTHING!! My wife and I just decided to go down a different road that's all. My wife was Bi-curious and was interested in being with a woman. She also wanted to see what it would be like to watch me with another woman. Yeah, I thought I was being set-up but she assured me that I wasn't. LOL That's right folks, that's how this all started. MY WIFE!!! :) I say this because I'm sure people think that this was all my doing. I wasn't complaining about it, but it actually wasn't my idea. :)

We started out with having 3somes. Here's what kills me though. Some of the same people that have had 3somes in their relationships condemn my lifestyle. Why?? You mean it's bad to actually fall in love with a partner that you bring in for sex? It's bad to care for that person and want to spend time with them as well as your wife/husband? Worse yet, it's bad that all three of you get along and actually enjoy hanging out with them? I know my lifestyle isn't for everyone, but I really don't see where having two people fall in love with you is bad. More people to love and more people to love you. I'm not sure but I always thought the saying was, the more the merrier. Not sure.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that my lifestyle is the right choice. Never once have I tried to convert anyone over to being Poly. To each their own. But that's just it, we have to remember that very saying. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. It's just not the right choice for you. That's all. Also, if you have a question please ask. Most people are going to be happy to explain things if you approach them in a respectful manner. If you don't agree and have no questions, then say nothing at all. Mom was right. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

4th Update

So, for those that actually come to read this blog, here's your update on our potential 4th. WOW! Ok, thanks for reading. :)

Seriously though, things are going well. I'm not going to lie, I had a little bit of a scare when I thought she got upset about something, but as it turned out it was just me being my normal paranoid self. (Should probably lay off that stuff...lol) It was nothing more than a miscommunication, thankfully. Why thankfully Dan? Good question.

I was thankful because fact is that I really like her. I think she's an absolute sweetheart and she's very attractive. What I like best about her, is that she genuinely likes the girls. I know I've said that before in previous posts, but it's a big deal to me. The girls' happiness is much more important than my own. My girls...what the hell!! LOL

I've asked myself many questions in the short time that we've actually known our potential 4th. (Why don't I use names?? They're actually Super Hero's so I have to keep their identities a secret) The biggest question that I keep asking myself, is can I see her fitting in as part of our family. At this stage of the game, yeah I can. She has so many things in common with each of us that it's pretty uncanny. I don't think she'd have a problem going out for a drive, or just sitting home watching TV. Only time will tell if that's indeed the case or not.

I look forward to getting to know her more, and I know that the girls do too. I'm curious to see what the future has in store for us all. Like I've said though, right now I can only see good things. Just don't want to jinx it. (Yeah, I said jinx...again!)

Thanks for reading and I'll keep you posted.

Sad day

I have these from time to time. Been a bit more frequent recently. Damned weather. I'm missing our first gf a lot today. I always miss her, as not a day goes by where I don't think about her. Today's a little harder for some reason.



Started when I was on my way home from the store this morning. A particular song came on and I instantly thought about her. The particular song made me think about how much I missed her and how much I love her. Still do and always will no matter what. (Guess that's a perk to being Polyamorous. I know that I can love her, my wife, and my gf equally)



When I got home, I hopped online like normal, and I got an email from our first gf's sister. I don't hear from her often so it was kind of a surprise albeit a pleasant one. The email was one sentence and basically said how she loved her so much and it hurt. It does, there's no doubt about that. I heard once that time doesn't take the pain away, it just dulls the edge. That's probably the best and most accurate way to describe what I feel. That pain is still there, it's just not as sharp as it used to be. Doesn't go away though.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

So this blog was originally intended to talk about Polyamory. Our particular lifestyle and the such. Well, today's post is going to be a little more about that part of my life. Here goes.

It seems that we've suddenly started considering the option of bringing someone else in. WHAT THE HELL!! What's the issue Dan? You're Polyamorous which means that you can love more than one person so it would only stand to reason that you would find someone else that you could develop feelings for. You're right, that is absolutely logical and possible if you are poly. But...

Although we are poly, we've never discussed the option of bringing a fourth in permanently. Sure there has been talk about finding a playmate, and we even recently tried to bring a guy into the mix for the girls. (I'll have to talk about that one in another post. Whole long sordid affair that turned out to be.) But that talk was just talk. For that last year it's been the three of us. That's our family. We work well together. Like a well oiled machine. And then came her.

Her (I don't mention names just cause I'm like that) is this girl who I met on BBWXXXTreme. (That is an adult site geared towards those of us who prefer larger women. Just in case you weren't sure what it was.) I came across her pictures a week or so ago and commented. She was a cutie. Has her labret pierced and this great chest tattoo. I don't really like those tats on women, but it worked on her and has actually helped to change my views about them. Anyway, we messaged and started talking and holy shit!!

Holy shit, you ask? Yeah, she's wowed me. To say the least. Thing of it is, she's also kinda doing that with the girls. Hell, the gf was a little piqued that she didn't receive an email that was promised to her. What's that about? I don't know. See, this girl from BBWXXX is rather intriguing. She seems to get the relationship better than we got it at her stage or age for that matter. (She's 21!! I KNOW I KNOW cradle robber...so young and sweet) She's made it a point to want to get to know both the wife and gf. That's not common for most of the women that I've come across. She genuinely wants to get to know them as well as she does me. That means a lot to me. Sounds like a dream come true to me. But...

But, there are so many buts. The biggest but is, really Dan, another gf?!? What are you nuts?? Am I? One thing that goes through my mind is what are people gonna say. Having a wife and a gf, people have gotten used to that. All I can think of is them saying, how many more is he gonna collect. Cause that's what I would think. But then I think of the show Big Love. Sure it's a TV show, but that's based on reality out in Utah. No, I'm not a Mormon for the love of God, but my thought is this. If they can do it for religious reasons, why can't someone do it for actual love. Genuine love for more than one, two or a potential third person in your life. Why can't that happen?? Maybe it can.

Another, bigger one. We have a core family now, the three of us. We all feel like we're not whole unless the three of us are together. It's Danny, the wife, the gf. Could it be, Danny, the wife, the gf, and the gf?? Is that too much? I was talking to "prospect??" last night and I said something about that to her and she said yeah, and with a fourth it would be like the legs on a table. You know, more sturdy. Hmmmm. Interesting way to look at it isn't it? I think so.

Then there's the fact that she's young and has a bit of baggage. Now, what person doesn't have baggage in their life. But at her life, she's got a good amount. I'm not going to lie. There's a part of me that has this Jesus Christ complex where I feel like I have to help everyone in need. But I don't want say that's the only reason why I'm interested, or intrigued by her. For her age, she's also figured a lot of stuff out. Whether it be through experience, or she's a good faker...yeah I said faker, I have yet to completely figure out. There's a really big part of me that feels like she's so sincere. Sincere when she says that she thinks we're all hot. That she already likes each of our personalities. In no time at all she figured out each of our roles in the family we currently have. That kind of blew me away.

But then I say. Here is someone that has had a rough life. She's said it herself that she falls very hard very quickly. I know that's what's happening here. Hell, she's told me as such. I did the right thing though. I told her that IF anything were to ever happen it was a while down the road. I made it very clear that there was a lot of time that was going to be needed before even real serious thoughts can be had. Then I think, have we already started having some of those. Not sure. She told me why she moves so quick and she said that she's not sure how to proceed at a normal pace. I told her that I would take care of the pace. She agreed. She said it was out of her norm, but she was OK with that.

Now here's the biggest pro. And I mean HUGE pro. She genuinely wants to get to know the wife and gf. She emailed with them last night. Was chatting with the gf as well. That's a really big selling point for me. A lot of other women don't really want anything to do with the wife. Or they would claim to be cool with it, and then when it came down to go time, they'd like...barely touch her. This girl doesn't seem to be about that. And she also seems like she could LOVE them both. And not necessarily like a friend, but like a lover, gf, partner. Whatever you want to call it. The way the wife and gf feel about each other. Then I think, what would that be like? To have three people that you love and that love you. She actually said something similar last night while we were chatting. So, yeah not really sure. Keeping our options open?? As good a way as any to put it.

So that's where we're at right now. I'll keep the fans (if there are any of you out there) posted as to what goes on. I'm really interested in seeing how this all works out too. LOL

Sorry for the lapse

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but...such is life. Actually, the sun has been out so I've been feeling better. Until today. I'm not sure what today was about, but I wasn't myself. I mean, I even went out for a while today. Went for a walk through a state park that we have here, as well as went and sat by the beach just to get some fresh air. Even with all of that, I was still down in the dumps.

I'm not sure if it started this morning when I got up, or what. All I know is that I couldn't really shake it all day. Even took my happy pills today. Of course that's something that I thought about. I'm not used to taking meds, but at the advice of a few loved ones I've decided to take my happy pills on a more regular basis. I will admit that it does take the edge off, but after today I wonder if maybe the meds have something to do with my mood. Who knows. I'll talk to the Dr. again tomorrow.

Speaking of the Dr. That's one of my concerns. Which could also be part of my angst. Don't like visiting doctors much. I've seen more doctors these last two months than I have in the 11 years that my wife and I have been together. There are a few other reasons that I won't go into, but those that are close to me know about.

Let's hope that tomorrow brings a fresh start and a better day. I'm gonna try to just have a good day no matter what. Not let anything get to me. Regardless of what it is. People say not to worry about things that are out of your control. I know that, but it's so much harder to actually do. I've got to learn to shut my brain off and just relax. Anyone know how??