Interesting title for a post isn't it? Let's see if any one out there knows why I used it. So, today's another one of "those" days. I'm not sure what the issue is, but it's been going on since last night. Just been very blah. Guess it's a combination of feelings that are all tumbling around. The weather isn't helping either. Damn rain!
I don't think I'm depressed or anything, just having a blah day. Been thinking about Lori a lot lately. I know that doesn't help much, but I can't NOT think of her. I've been told that I need to find a happy medium, and there are times when I think I've found it, but it only turns out to be temporary. Talking to someone really didn't help either. Maybe I just have to realize that this is how life is going to be from now on. Maybe that's what I need. To just accept that fact that I'm always going to be a little sad because she's not here. I wonder if I keep trying to just get over it, and that's actually what's making it worse. Who knows.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A fun weekend
I love when we get to spend time together. This weekend was a treat because it was a three day weekend with the girls. YAY! I'm not going to lie. I wonder if we spend too much time together. So many of our friends do things apart from their spouses. I wonder if we have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship of some sort. Then I slap myself and come back to reality. LOL
We like spending time together. We look forward to the weekends when we can all hang out. Whether it be with our friends, or just ourselves. We enjoy each other's company. I know that other people out there enjoy the company of their spouses, I'm not that naive, but I do wonder if they enjoy each other's company as much as we enjoy time together.
Anyway, we did the typical Memorial day stuff, bbq's and the like. Had a lot of fun seeing old friends again. It's the official we've woken up out of our winter slumber and are ready to party, weekend! LOL
Hope everyone had a happy and safe weekend!
We like spending time together. We look forward to the weekends when we can all hang out. Whether it be with our friends, or just ourselves. We enjoy each other's company. I know that other people out there enjoy the company of their spouses, I'm not that naive, but I do wonder if they enjoy each other's company as much as we enjoy time together.
Anyway, we did the typical Memorial day stuff, bbq's and the like. Had a lot of fun seeing old friends again. It's the official we've woken up out of our winter slumber and are ready to party, weekend! LOL
Hope everyone had a happy and safe weekend!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Did it again
What did I do? I tortured myself. But this time I came through it much better than normal. I can only imagine what you must be thinking. He tortured himself?? What the hell??? Let me explain.
I belong to a forum for Polyamory. On there there was someone who asked if anyone had lost a partner and how they dealt with things. Unfortunately, I have personal experience in that matter so her and I have been communicating via email for the last couple of days. I absolutely LOVE that I'm able to help someone else going through this. I'm glad that she has someone that can understand what she's going through. (I know there are many people who have lost loved ones, but to lose someone in a poly relationship, there's a whole slew of other things that one must be concerned with) Anyway, she feels like she has someone that she can talk to now, and I'm thrilled to be that person.
Now with the good always comes the bad right? Well, in all this talking about our loved ones, I've been remembering our first gf. Now this used to mean that I would sit and cry and feel the pain of when we first lost her. It's been 4 years since she's been gone, and now when I think of her, I don't hurt like I did at the start. Now I just feel empty when I think about her not being here. My life is by no means empty, please don't misunderstand. But when she passed away, a piece of my heart went with her. Always will be that way. There's always going to be a void in my heart when I think of her.
Anyway, back to my torture. I was in our spare room today and that's where we have her furniture and stuff like that. It's also where we have her pictures and perfume. I know, it's been 4 years, but I can't bring myself to not do things like that. When we moved to SC, one of the spare rooms was set up with all of her stuff. So, I was in the spare room yesterday and I started looking at her pictures. Then I sprayed a bit of her perfume on a shirt that she used to wear. Then I just walked around with her shirt, smelling it and thinking about her. I didn't cry. I'm not all cried out, but I know that sometimes I just need to do those things. I'm sure it seems a bit much to some of you out there, but it's what I have to do. Plain and simple.
I'm not a nut I promise. I just miss her like mad. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about her or wonder why she can't be here with us. I know she's around and is watching over us, but damn I wish I could hear her laugh one more time. Hug her one more time. Tell her I love her one more time. I'll love her for the rest of my life and I can't wait until we're all together again. Love you babygirl. Always will.
I belong to a forum for Polyamory. On there there was someone who asked if anyone had lost a partner and how they dealt with things. Unfortunately, I have personal experience in that matter so her and I have been communicating via email for the last couple of days. I absolutely LOVE that I'm able to help someone else going through this. I'm glad that she has someone that can understand what she's going through. (I know there are many people who have lost loved ones, but to lose someone in a poly relationship, there's a whole slew of other things that one must be concerned with) Anyway, she feels like she has someone that she can talk to now, and I'm thrilled to be that person.
Now with the good always comes the bad right? Well, in all this talking about our loved ones, I've been remembering our first gf. Now this used to mean that I would sit and cry and feel the pain of when we first lost her. It's been 4 years since she's been gone, and now when I think of her, I don't hurt like I did at the start. Now I just feel empty when I think about her not being here. My life is by no means empty, please don't misunderstand. But when she passed away, a piece of my heart went with her. Always will be that way. There's always going to be a void in my heart when I think of her.
Anyway, back to my torture. I was in our spare room today and that's where we have her furniture and stuff like that. It's also where we have her pictures and perfume. I know, it's been 4 years, but I can't bring myself to not do things like that. When we moved to SC, one of the spare rooms was set up with all of her stuff. So, I was in the spare room yesterday and I started looking at her pictures. Then I sprayed a bit of her perfume on a shirt that she used to wear. Then I just walked around with her shirt, smelling it and thinking about her. I didn't cry. I'm not all cried out, but I know that sometimes I just need to do those things. I'm sure it seems a bit much to some of you out there, but it's what I have to do. Plain and simple.
I'm not a nut I promise. I just miss her like mad. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about her or wonder why she can't be here with us. I know she's around and is watching over us, but damn I wish I could hear her laugh one more time. Hug her one more time. Tell her I love her one more time. I'll love her for the rest of my life and I can't wait until we're all together again. Love you babygirl. Always will.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Well, well, well
Friday night was quite an interesting evening. But, dare I say it, a good kind of interesting. Oh, alright we had a freaking blast and I'm blown away by that. You see, Friday evening was my father in law's reception for his wedding to his new wife. We were all determined. Determined to have a good time.
Of course, no "Family" event can go off without SOME sort of drama and this evening was no exception. I was in the door no more than 3 minutes when my sister in law grabs me and says, I need to talk to you outside NOW! So, I'm like, OH BALLS! but go outside and talk to her. Apparently when my wife and gf were walking in, a girl at the table next to where we sat made a comment in reference to my wife's size. So my sister in law just wanted to make sure that I knew what was going on and blah blah blah. Now, I was in a bit of a peeved mood already from something that had gone down earlier in the evening so this just added fuel to the fire. Which, my sister in law knew would do. But alas, it's a "Family" event so there's your drama.
I was being my usual loud, rowdy self being all kinds of nasty about the girl that was talking crap (especially when she was with a guy who was TWICE my wife's size) and my younger cousin (he's actually my wife's younger cousin, but I consider him family) pulls me outside and says we need to talk. So we head to his room, have a nice conversation and then calms me down. I'm still amazed at his wisdom considering he's 22. After that, we got back to the party and started a helluva night.
Mine started when I snapped a picture of my wife. This was the first pic I'd taken that night. When I looked at the picture there was this HUGE orb above my wife's left shoulder. That freaked me out cause I instantly knew that my mother in law was around. (She passed away 3 years ago) My wife then pointed something out to me. Behind my wife in the picture was her father sitting at the head table. The orb was covering him. WHAT THE HELL!! Some of you out there might think I'm some sort of freak, but things like this have always interested me, and I really believe that my mother in law is around more often than not.
After that, me and the girls had a great night. We got up and danced. That's right. I said we ALL got up and danced, My wife, my gf, and I all had our fat asses up on the dance floor shaking our groove thangs. LOL Sorry, I had to go there. Anyway, the girls drank, and drank, and drank some more. Anyway, as it turns out, everyone there had a blast. Who knew??
Of course, no "Family" event can go off without SOME sort of drama and this evening was no exception. I was in the door no more than 3 minutes when my sister in law grabs me and says, I need to talk to you outside NOW! So, I'm like, OH BALLS! but go outside and talk to her. Apparently when my wife and gf were walking in, a girl at the table next to where we sat made a comment in reference to my wife's size. So my sister in law just wanted to make sure that I knew what was going on and blah blah blah. Now, I was in a bit of a peeved mood already from something that had gone down earlier in the evening so this just added fuel to the fire. Which, my sister in law knew would do. But alas, it's a "Family" event so there's your drama.
I was being my usual loud, rowdy self being all kinds of nasty about the girl that was talking crap (especially when she was with a guy who was TWICE my wife's size) and my younger cousin (he's actually my wife's younger cousin, but I consider him family) pulls me outside and says we need to talk. So we head to his room, have a nice conversation and then calms me down. I'm still amazed at his wisdom considering he's 22. After that, we got back to the party and started a helluva night.
Mine started when I snapped a picture of my wife. This was the first pic I'd taken that night. When I looked at the picture there was this HUGE orb above my wife's left shoulder. That freaked me out cause I instantly knew that my mother in law was around. (She passed away 3 years ago) My wife then pointed something out to me. Behind my wife in the picture was her father sitting at the head table. The orb was covering him. WHAT THE HELL!! Some of you out there might think I'm some sort of freak, but things like this have always interested me, and I really believe that my mother in law is around more often than not.
After that, me and the girls had a great night. We got up and danced. That's right. I said we ALL got up and danced, My wife, my gf, and I all had our fat asses up on the dance floor shaking our groove thangs. LOL Sorry, I had to go there. Anyway, the girls drank, and drank, and drank some more. Anyway, as it turns out, everyone there had a blast. Who knew??
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My wife
My wife is a rock. Plain and simple. Yesterday her dad got remarried after only threes years being a widower. Not a big deal for most people, but my wife was extremely close to her mother. I was under the impression that she was upset that her dad was "replacing" her mother. I tried to reassure her that wasn't the case at all. Her mother would never and could never be replace. If you ever knew Jayne, you'd agree with me. :)
As it turns out, my wife wasn't upset that her dad was getting remarried. It was instead that his wedding reminded her of the fact that her mother was no longer here. That's what upset her. Her family doesn't see that, but that's for another post. She held up wonderfully, and we're so proud of her.
I knew there was a reason I married her. :)
As it turns out, my wife wasn't upset that her dad was getting remarried. It was instead that his wedding reminded her of the fact that her mother was no longer here. That's what upset her. Her family doesn't see that, but that's for another post. She held up wonderfully, and we're so proud of her.
I knew there was a reason I married her. :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Oh boy!!
So get this. I was on one of the pages that I visit and saw that our potential 4th (her name will be Button for the purpose of this blog) left a comment on some guys video. Do you know that the first thing I thought was, what the hell is this. Then I sat up and blinked and realized that our Button, wasn't indeed ours yet. Who the hell am I getting even remotely bothered that she was leaving a message on some other guys vid.
That's when it hit me. I like her. A lot. Dan, it's only been a couple of weeks since you've met her. Yup, you're right. But it was like that with the wife and gf. There's no jealousy now as that would just not work in our relationship. But at the start, yeah there were twinges here and there.
I talked to the gf about it this morning and she agreed. It seems to be the real deal with Button. We all really like her and want to see where things go with her. I just had to blog about my almost jealousy. It's funny the things that make you realize how you feel. :)
That's when it hit me. I like her. A lot. Dan, it's only been a couple of weeks since you've met her. Yup, you're right. But it was like that with the wife and gf. There's no jealousy now as that would just not work in our relationship. But at the start, yeah there were twinges here and there.
I talked to the gf about it this morning and she agreed. It seems to be the real deal with Button. We all really like her and want to see where things go with her. I just had to blog about my almost jealousy. It's funny the things that make you realize how you feel. :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Just don't get it...
I just don't get why people bash things that they don't understand or know anything about. I belong to a few different forums and things like that, and I've posted about my lifestyle on them. For the most part people will either be cool with it, or they'll say not my bag, but so long as you're all happy and it's working then go for it. Except for a handful. That is what this post is about.
There have been a few people that simply state that there's no way this will work. No way can three people have a happy and healthy relationship. Also, the only reason I'm in the lifestyle is so that I can "have my cake and eat it too". Really people? Do you have any facts or are you just basing it on your personal opinion?
My wife and I didn't start our relationship with intentions on being Poly or even bringing anyone else in for the occasional romp around the bedroom. It started the same way your traditional relationship started. Two people getting to know each other and realizing that they had lots in common and enjoyed being together. That's right, we were a "normal" couple just like you and your friends. What went wrong Dan??
NOTHING!! My wife and I just decided to go down a different road that's all. My wife was Bi-curious and was interested in being with a woman. She also wanted to see what it would be like to watch me with another woman. Yeah, I thought I was being set-up but she assured me that I wasn't. LOL That's right folks, that's how this all started. MY WIFE!!! :) I say this because I'm sure people think that this was all my doing. I wasn't complaining about it, but it actually wasn't my idea. :)
We started out with having 3somes. Here's what kills me though. Some of the same people that have had 3somes in their relationships condemn my lifestyle. Why?? You mean it's bad to actually fall in love with a partner that you bring in for sex? It's bad to care for that person and want to spend time with them as well as your wife/husband? Worse yet, it's bad that all three of you get along and actually enjoy hanging out with them? I know my lifestyle isn't for everyone, but I really don't see where having two people fall in love with you is bad. More people to love and more people to love you. I'm not sure but I always thought the saying was, the more the merrier. Not sure.
Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that my lifestyle is the right choice. Never once have I tried to convert anyone over to being Poly. To each their own. But that's just it, we have to remember that very saying. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. It's just not the right choice for you. That's all. Also, if you have a question please ask. Most people are going to be happy to explain things if you approach them in a respectful manner. If you don't agree and have no questions, then say nothing at all. Mom was right. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
There have been a few people that simply state that there's no way this will work. No way can three people have a happy and healthy relationship. Also, the only reason I'm in the lifestyle is so that I can "have my cake and eat it too". Really people? Do you have any facts or are you just basing it on your personal opinion?
My wife and I didn't start our relationship with intentions on being Poly or even bringing anyone else in for the occasional romp around the bedroom. It started the same way your traditional relationship started. Two people getting to know each other and realizing that they had lots in common and enjoyed being together. That's right, we were a "normal" couple just like you and your friends. What went wrong Dan??
NOTHING!! My wife and I just decided to go down a different road that's all. My wife was Bi-curious and was interested in being with a woman. She also wanted to see what it would be like to watch me with another woman. Yeah, I thought I was being set-up but she assured me that I wasn't. LOL That's right folks, that's how this all started. MY WIFE!!! :) I say this because I'm sure people think that this was all my doing. I wasn't complaining about it, but it actually wasn't my idea. :)
We started out with having 3somes. Here's what kills me though. Some of the same people that have had 3somes in their relationships condemn my lifestyle. Why?? You mean it's bad to actually fall in love with a partner that you bring in for sex? It's bad to care for that person and want to spend time with them as well as your wife/husband? Worse yet, it's bad that all three of you get along and actually enjoy hanging out with them? I know my lifestyle isn't for everyone, but I really don't see where having two people fall in love with you is bad. More people to love and more people to love you. I'm not sure but I always thought the saying was, the more the merrier. Not sure.
Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that my lifestyle is the right choice. Never once have I tried to convert anyone over to being Poly. To each their own. But that's just it, we have to remember that very saying. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. It's just not the right choice for you. That's all. Also, if you have a question please ask. Most people are going to be happy to explain things if you approach them in a respectful manner. If you don't agree and have no questions, then say nothing at all. Mom was right. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
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