So I've never really dealt with losing Lori. I kinda realized today just how close to the surface it really is for me. I gloss over most things in my life with humor. I think I just push things down and bury them. That's not to say that I don't talk bout her, think about her, and sometimes cry about her, but I'm not sure if I've really allowed myself to truly grieve her. My body kind of goes into protection mode like a surge protector. When those feelings rush over me, my brain quickly shuts things down so my melt down isn't nuclear. I guess that's good, but is it healthy? I don't know.
It's tough for me to even talk about. So much so that I stopped going to my therapist when I suggested we talk about Lori. Yeah, I suggested it, and then couldn't do it. I don't know if I even can open up about it, or if there's a mental block that's there to protect me. There are just so many things...
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I knew something was up when I tried to tell you about a dream I had about Lori and you kinda disappeared on me. I know you talk to her all of the time and share your memories of her, and that is very healthy. But its as you said, you haven't really grieved. Even 4 1/2 years later, its ok to that. I'm always around if you want to ever talk. Love you! <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Ronni. Yeah, even though I talk/think about her all the time anytime I can only do so for a small bits at a time. I remember the happy, but quick to follow is all the sad. How much I miss her and wish she were here to be a part of our family again. Thanks for the kind words and support. You are a great person and really I'm very thankful to have someone like you around. You're an absolute sweetheart.
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